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John Constantine vs Hellboy
backgrounder (683).png|Ahomeschoolingroudon File:John_vs_Hellboy.PNG|GameboyAdv File:Constantine_vs_Hellboy.png|Gliscor Fan Jon Perlman VS John Wick... Oh wait (Dedede).png|EmperorDedede 35A4B6CE-429C-46F6-8492-B9C550E785FF.jpeg|Blue Midnight04 John Constantine vs Hellboy is a What-If? Death Battle by Gliscor Fan & Ahomeschoolingroudon. It features John Constantine from DC's Vertigo Comics and Hellboy from Dark Horse Comics. Description DC vs Dark Horse! Can the smoking, british exorcist exorcise the smoking, british, half-demon? Interlude Wiz: Britian is home to many things. Big Ben, fancy accents... Boomstick: and some of the most powerful demons and demon hunters EVER. Wiz: It's the home of the master of con, John Constantine. Boomstick: as well as the Demon with a sarcastic ass attitude, Hellboy. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skill, to find out who would win... a death battle. John Constantine Boomstick: England. Apparently the only place in the world that has demons running around, killing things. Y’know, because england. Wiz: But sooner or later, someone had to step up and take all of them down. Boomstick: AND HIS NAME WAS JOHN… Constantine. Wiz: A master of exorcism and extremely cunning, The hellblazer is nothing short of a few cigarettes. Boomstick: Which he always has. Wiz: Even though he has really useful methods of attacking, such as the Turnabout curse, which inflicts all the pain and harm John would take back at his opponent, as well as being almost completely immune to possession, John would rather trick his opponents into giving up rather than actually fighting them. Boomstick: In fact, he’s so good at this, he managed to trick Satan into drinking holy water. That’s right, Constantine is so good that he literally tricked Satan into drinking his only weakness, just so his friend could be cured from Lung Cancer. Wiz: As well as the fact he’s a master escape artist, and managed to escape from hell afterwards, mainly using illusions and teleportation techniques. Boomstick: He can make himself seem like anyone he wants, even a very attractive older woman. If he wanted too, of course. But why wouldn’t he? That’s every mans dream! Wiz: And despite all of that, he still managed to take down a few guys on the streets, as well as being strong enough to rip Nergal’s spine out of his back with one hand. Boomstick: For your average con artist, that sounds fantastic. Wiz: I mean, he can still get his ass handed to him without magic. But with magic, John is able to manipulate fire out of nothing, freeze people in place, create circles that protect him from harm, the ability to trap all kinds of demons (even the phantom stranger at one point), and most importantly… become capable of using Zatanna’s magic. Boomstick: But because he’s not that attractive magician in a bunny outfit, he’s still rather inexperienced with it, so he actually has to speak the words backwards, which can cost him his own time. Wiz: But the most important part of constantine? He always shows up in the right place, at the right time, giving him extremely uncanny luck. Boomstick: He found a gun lying on the floor when he needed it most, went to a casino and literally won the jackpot after playing the machine once, and was chased by Nergal all the way to heaven, where a bunch of angels JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE IN THE AREA, and tore Nergal completely apart. Wiz: And even when he’s not around demons, he always finds the perfect demon that randomly just appeared in the area. John literally has a book that lists all the true names and information on any given demon. Boomstick: I should ask him to look up the true name of my ex-wife. Wiz: But despite his mastery of tricking his foes, John is still really arrogant, cocky… and tends to put himself in danger all the time. Boomstick: Underneath that trench coat, John is just a normal human being, with normal human abilities, and cigarettes. Wiz: Master of trickery, exorcism, magic, and mystical knowledge, it seems like nothing can stop the man known as John Constantine. Diggle: What if things go wrong? Constantine: If things go wrong, then we’ll all be too dead to care. Hellboy Wiz: Demons are usually associated for being vile and committing acts of wickedness, but in fiction there’s plenty of demons on the good side. Boomstick: And this includes the half-demon Britain Defender, Hellboy. However while being a demonic force for good, he was the son to Sarah Hughes and the demon Azzael Wiz: But, that came at quite the price. As Sarah died before her soul was changed to darkness due to finding intimacy in the summoned Azzael, and her human children were killed by the demon. But Azzael swore that within her body still remained a spiritual son, which would incarnate and fall to earth. Boomstick: And that wasn’t too far off, as in 1944 their child Anung Un Rama was summoned forth by Grifory Effimovich Rasputin. And was rescued by the allied troops in World War II. And he ended up getting raised by Professor Broom, the founder of BPRD Wiz: Rama would then develop his powers before becoming what he would be known as Hellboy. Even though he was destined to become the bringer of the apocalypse, he would become a real hero. Boomstick: And one with quite the sarcastic sense of humor Professor Broom: Old? I'm sorry I don't share your seemingly eternal youth. You grew so fast at first. In no time at all, you were too big to spank. Hellboy: Only ‘cause the tail got in the way. Wiz: Yeah, but with Hellboy’s powers now been developed, he’s quite the powerhouse. Hellboy’s able to uproot and throw massive trees, and break through stone. Sometimes breaking through entire walls. And he’s also extremely durable, able to survive multiple impalements, savagely beaten by large monsters on several occasions. And he’s once directly charged an MG-42 machine gun, taking numerous bullets to the chest before destroying the gun. Boomstick: Dayum! But yeah, this mainly is able to stem from his healing factor. Which allows him to recover from wounds like getting stabbed through the chest, and getting struck by an explosion that engulfed an entire castle Wiz: And on top of that, Hellboy’s immune to fire, and resistant to electricity. As once he was electrocuted with enough juice to “light up Hamburg” and took it without a problem. Boomstick: And on top of this he’s able to dodge strikes without too much difficulty. But his greatest strength is his arsenal, which consists of a gun called The Great Samaritan, a large four-round revolver which fires custom-made bullets. And it’s able to pierce through any material Wiz: And along with that, he’s got a rocket launcher called the Big Baby. No, really, that’s what it’s called. It’s an oversized six-round rocket launcher, which shoots small rockets. And the small rockets have the words “suck on this” on the side of the cartridges Boomstick: Pfft. This is the biggest innuendo I’ve ever seen from a comic book Wiz: He also has a sword called Excalibur, a legendary sword wielded by King Arthur, which seems to have magical properties. And it’s been able to slay Nimue’s champion. But if that’s not enough short-ranged combat Hellboy has his signature Right Arm of Doom. A gauntlet-like indestructible right hand which was grafted onto Hellboy when he was born, Hellboy’s rather adept to this and it makes for a useful melee weapon Boomstick: But Hellboy also has plenty of trinkets, including charms and talismans which protect him from magic, an iron horseshoe which weeds out faeries, holy water, a plant that drives away extoplasm and a silver button that burns away a demon Wiz: And most impressively Vulcan 65 and Vulcan 50 explosives, the latter is able to create atomic-like explosions and the former’s able to launch Hellboy. While the previously mentioned explosion that engulfed an entire castle didn’t. Boomstick: And lastly a useless flight pack, which when he used it, it exploded and sent him careening down into a castle. Wiz: However that’s just one of his off-days, as Hellboy has been able to slaughter giants, take on Assassins, Ghosts, Mythical Entities, Deities, other demons and even children who manifest their spirits into beings, which, well they’re pretty much Godzilla, Gundams and Sailor Moon. Boomstick: And he’s able to take on an entire army of skeletons, one shot a dinosaur, and single handedly murdered a bunch of guys. And remember how we said that Hellboy was destined to be the bringer of the apocalypse? That’s because he’s able to tap into the Full Prince of Hell! Wiz: In this state, Hellboy’s physical attributes skyrocket due to him bringing out his demonic powers to their fullest potential. As he’s able to unlock the door to armageddon, but Hellboy becomes a ruthless monster and despite him being able to dissipate this while sacrificing his new found power in the process, he does not accept this part of him Boomstick: *Cough* bullshit! Anyway, he does have some apparent weaknesses, he has a short temper and his arsenal does malfunction on some occasions. Mainly the Good Samaritan and the Jetpack. And being a Half-Demon, certain holy spells can damage him. Though only powerful ones Wiz: And while Hellboy’s healing factor is extremely useful, it doesn’t always save him. But because he’s pretty much deathless, when he doesn’t feel like dying he just gets resurrected. Somehow. Boomstick: And that’s why you shouldn’t mess with the rightful crown of Hell and England, who continues to defy his destiny of bringing Earth’s destruction Hellboy: Don’t mess with me lady, I’ve been drinking with skeletons. Pre-DB Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE! Death Battle Liverpool, England. John Constantine is sitting behind a bar, smoking in a no smoking zone, peacefully, until a large, red-headed guy walks over and steps on one of John’s silk cut cigarettes. John: Slow down there, mate. That was my favorite cigar. The large, red-headed dude decided to then turn around while John was lighting another cigarette, revealing himself to be none other than Hellboy. However, Hellboy then grabbed John’s cigarette, tore it out of his mouth, and started to walk away again. John: Bloody hell. HEY! MATE! The hell do you think your going? Hellboy: Yeah, exactly. John: Alright, mate, looks like we’re gonna have a problem if you keep this up. Hellboy: Problem? Mate, you don’t wanna fight me, I’ve been drinking with skeletons. John: Well, you can tell your skeletons that if they ever cross John Constantine, they’ll be packing their bloody bags back to the grave. Both John and Hellboy decide to crack their knuckles at the same moment. Hellboy: The only grave that’ll be dug tonight is yours. John: Good to know we’re on the same page, then. 'FIGHT' Rampant, Hellboy runs in with an arm swinging towards John, attempting to attack, before John rolls out of the way and Hellboy’s arm hits a lamp post instead. As the fight continues, a wall decides to crumble down from one of Hellboy's punches, and John is still lying on the floor, rolling out of the way. John: Alright, I get it, you want to brutally murder me. I should warn you, however… I can take a punch. Hellboy then decides to attempt to punch Constantine directly in the face, before the illusion disperses and Constantine appears behind him, shooting a small sun directly to Hellboy's face. However, Hellboy was completely fine after the blast and grabbed constantine. Hellboy: I’m fireproof. You’re not. Hellboy then threw Constantine onto the ground, but before John hit, he cast a circle projection to prevent any sustained damage. Constantine, after revealing his lips were bleeding a bit, wiped off the blood and threw it on Hellboy. Hellboy: Demon Blood? John: Oh, right, I neglected to mention that. But there’s this other thing I forgot to bring up, Mate. John proceeds to create an explosion underneath hellboy, which then slams him through a wall and into the minibar, creating a demon-shaped hole that Constantine uses to jump through. John: I’m not your average joe in a trench coat. Angered, Hellboy then decides to pull out his rocket launcher, the Big Baby, and shoots it at John, who winds up being another illusion. A few more illusions of John Constantine popped up around the bar itself, while John had disguised himself as the barkeep. Dropping the rocket launcher, Hellboy pulled out Excalibur and begun to slice each and every illusion, causing them to disperse into light. When each of the illusions were destroyed, John undisguised himself and jumped back over the counter. John: Maybe we can come up with some sort of… mutual agreement? Hellboy: GO TO HELL! John: Bit late to that party, Mate. Hellboy finally then pulls back out his jetpack, which he uses to launch himself towards John. As he grabs him, in a few seconds, John creates a literal portal to hell, just to save himself from being bashed headfirst into the wall. After both of them entered the portal, Hellboy’s jetpack explodes and both of them drop into hell, but Hellboy blocks John’s fall. Hellboy: I’m going to be sore in the mornin’. John: I’m already sore, and it’s not even lunch. Hellboy: Well, if you won’t go down, then I’ll just have to force ya to disintegrate Hellboy finally, after a really long wait, equips the Right Arm of Doom, to which he begins to punch literally everything in his vicinity. Not realising this, Constantine still tries to roll out of the way at the last possible second, which barely rips off a bit of his hair. John (Thinking): If this keeps up… I’m a goner. I guess now would be as good a time as any. In the midst of all the chaos, John reaches into his trench coat and pulls out a book, while also attempting to roll out of the way of another one of hellboy's punches. John then sets another Illusion on the other side of hell and hides behind a rock that hasn’t been broken yet. John: Hellboy.. Hellboy… Hellboy… Aha, found you. Looks like I’m ‘aving demon for dinner. While Hellboy is still confused, and running back towards where John is, John quickly sets up a magical barrier that renders demonic powers completely useless, and traps whatever demon sets foot in it. Hellboy finally breaks through the rock, however unbalanced, and falls into the trap Constantine had set right before John rolled out of the area. John then suddenly begins chanting in Latin, performing an exorcism. As the exorcism finally finished up, John crouched onto the ground, seemingly out of breath, and forced his hand out, dissolving Hellboy’s entire being. K.O. John: And they called Anung Un Rama the bringer of the apocalypse. The only apocalypse he’ll be starting is having any relation to me. Hellboy then suddenly appeared in heaven for some strange reason, right as a few angels were passing by, and decided to tear him apart. Results Boomstick: So the con with a mouth destroyed the bringer of doomsday. Wiz: Although Hellboy was more durable and stronger, he didn’t have the smarts or tactical skill to deal with someone like Constantine. Boomstick: As the master of con artistry, I seriously doubt any demon could take him down. Wiz: The biggest problem being Hellboy’s faulty technology and lack of a temper, which lead to his eventual downfall. He could have tanked anything fire or electricity-related that Constantine could throw at him, but Constantine was just one step ahead, even without the use of prep. Boomstick: Constantine is such a quick thinker, that even if Hellboy was Satan himself, Constantine could’ve tricked him into destroying his own life. Not to mention that fire isn’t the only thing he can use. Wiz: Constantine had managed to pull of amazing feats, like running into heaven in a chase, trapping the Phantom Stranger between space and time, and exorcising the demon goddess Kali singlehandedly. Even without fire, Constantine could easily manipulate his foes into thinking he’s somewhere else, giving him more time to plan, and possibly save his own ass. Boomstick: Not only that, but he has something stronger than basically any magic he could’ve used: The true name of any demon ever. Wiz: Despite usually not bringing it on missions, Constantine could’ve still easily talked Hellboy into giving his true name anyway, being the extremely talented con artist he is, and being so knowledgeable about the supernatural in the first place. It was only a matter of time before he sent Hellboy back to Hell. Minus the fact that they were already in hell. Boomstick: Hellboy just didn’t have enough hell in him to beat a man. Wiz: The winner is John Constantine. Who are you rooting for? Hellboy John Constantine Category:Demon vs Demon's Killer themed Battles Category:Gliscor Fan Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Series Category:Ahomeschoolingroudon Category:Crossovered Death Battles Category:'Detective' themed Death Battle Category:'Hero vs. Anti-Hero' themed Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2015 Category:Death Battles with a returning DBX combatant